The Payback Chronicles – Blog #3 The Gambler

The evening before I’m icing, Normatec pants, hydrating, Motrin, doing all the things to get the hammy right. Not a pull but sore. I long jump at 8am and race the 60m final at 9:11am. In that time I have to get six long jump attempts in right before the race. Long jumping is explosive and can take a lot out of the legs, sprint 30m as fast as you can and jump. I gotta figure how I’m going to navigate this.

Get to the stadium 7am, warmups go ok, no long sprint,  made that mistake yesterday.  Leg seems serviceable…ok lets do this. Go to the check-in desk told to come back in thirty minutes. I go do some more warmup in an area away where its quiet and I can focus…come back in 30…I’m here to check-in…Mr. Thigpen you missed the call…jumpers have been sent out already…you can’t compete…WTF are you talking about lady? Never missed a call in 50 years of competing, I’m too anal about it and my watch is four minutes fast.

After a back and forth about 2-3min of; “well you weren’t here”, “you weren’t here”, she tells me to take it up with the clerk….you bet I will. Thanks for nothing  “Sgt Schultz” (Hogans Heroes). Anyway get to the pit explain what happened they show me grace..I’m in..whew!!! What was I saying about the wearing of my Teflon good fortune, seeing signs of wear ole boy.

I take the first jump. In the Long jump, the universal sign that your behind the take off board is to hold your hands up apart to indicate the distance you’ve missed the board by. This way you know how much to adjust your approach…..got it ok one foot behind the board. I’m in essence penalizing, handicapping, not a good strategy. First time helpful, second as well, third “really?”, fourth starting to look like your giving me the  double middle finger. 5th come onnnn…. sixth and final jump who the fuck cares. I’m tired now legs feeling a little trashed. I’ve done too much. So during this whole series I’m having this inner conflict. When should I stop so as to save energy and hold of injury so I  can win the 60m.  So after jump #3 I was gambling. I had started to pass on the 4th attempt but something happened. The competitor in me or maybe gambler was like a little devil on my shoulder that kept whispering in my ear, “your here to compete so do so”…the angel on the other shoulder was like “maybe you should be more strategic about this”.

Back to the competition: After the 4th jump, the legs are definitely tired. I know I’m in the neighborhood (medal place, top three) I figure, glory, its gotta be at one of these next two stops (jumps). Now I’m gambling!!! que the slot machine.

So I (pull the handle) take the 5th jump, a little closer on the board (heart/heart/diamond). I’m tired, one more pull, 6th and final jump, (spade/diamond/club) , I land in the pit and shit….cramp, not only legs tired but now gimpy. I dust off and head over to the start of the 60m final.

Runners to your marks, Set, Bang!! the field jumps me again…I can’t respond the leg is shot…I jog to a stop. Main competitor runs a great time 7.58. The meets over for me 4th LJ, did not finish 60m, there’s a scratch on the Teflon,

Did I settle the accounts I was hoping to? No. But, I spent three days with some brothers of my tribe, the favorite people in the world to me, laughing (watching Seinfeld) , talking about life, eating great food, reminiscing of our college track days, watching my friend and others in my small orbit have successful competitions  and  having a small part in them. Experiencing the joy I know the sport can give?……yeah.

So now comes the “well you didn’t win” but the moral victory was “blah..blah..blah”..whatever.  Did I want to win? Of course. But the bigger question I ask myself was did I compete? and yes I did.

So I’ll label the experience as a “winless victory”and having a story to tell is still a prize worth having.

I’m not a gambler I’m usually pretty calculated and play things safe. Am I changing or just don’t care anymore?

I gotta ask; are you truly competing if your not willing to put it all on the line; victory, history, body, emotions?  Maybe my true competitor has finally come out, maybe trying hard, trying your best is not competing but a point on the spectrum. Maybe loss is not just a place, a trophy or position but the emotional and psychological things that you have to deal with afterward both temporarily and long term that can continue to shape who you are as an athlete and person…

The medals have never been enough for me. It’s always been the challenge and competition.  I don’t really recall where I had to make the choice so vividly in real time. Looking at it from this lens, I’m glad with what I did because I followed my nature, my heart and truly found the competitor in me maybe I am a gambler. Now don’t get me wrong you won’t catch me playing slots in Vegas or adding Kenny Roger’s the “Gambler” to my playlist but I’m more aware of my lets call it “condition”..Lol.

Was there a lesson? To be honest there was a cloud of indecisiveness, not necessarily on the preparation (training) but on how I was gonna execute. Normally I spend countless hours dreaming, day dreaming, running mental simulations, building contingency plans. I kinda sorta had an idea but nothing concrete, not usually like me but I was preoccupied with getting healthy enough to compete, not what I was gonna do once I was. What’s the adage…when you fail to plan you plan to fail…hmmm. We’ll I’m only human, even with my nearly mutant healing powers..lol

Was it worth getting up at 6am on wed mornings to go out in 30-40 degree weather to get a track workout in? Was 40 days enough? Was it worth rehabbing my rotator cuff 2-3 times a day 5-7 days a week, was it worth all the time and energy, anxst, frustration, and hope just to end up having a sore plane ride home without a medal in either event?………………”Yeah”.

So is my Teflon coating of good fortune being worn off?  tarnished? Well I’d like to look at it as developing “petina“.

See you at the finishline.

In August There’s the Outdoor World Championships in Daegu South Korea the flights aren’t cheap but lodging really reasonable…hmmm.

Payback Chronicles…..accounts unsettled…to be continued….